In Memorium

Thanks to everyone who tuned in over the years, and thanks to everyone who still continues to stop by. ¡Vaya con Dios!

Th-th-th-that's all, Folks!

Here's to the Lowest Common Denominator, the ones who drag us down, the millstones that hang painfully around the neck of society! May they get what they deserve!

You cannot ignore the Lowest Common Denominator. They are always there, asking for their fair share. And if they do not receive it, they will chip away at the fabric of everything good and decent until that, too, is destroyed. In this way, the Lowest Common Denominator, the selfish bastion of base appetites that it is, drags the rest of society down into the joyless realm of senseless wallowing that is the kingdom of the Lowest Common Denominator.

Once the Lowest Common Denominator gets its way, we will all be equal, and the Lowest Among Us will be on par with the kings and philosophers of our age.

You can see the handiwork of the Lowest Common Denominator everywhere you turn. You find their signature in black spray paint on garden walls and scraped into the walls and mirrors of public toilets. Their names rise high above the landscape in the skyscrapers and strip malls erected upon the virgin soil. They are the tract housing developments and garbage dumps, the urine-stained alleyways, the crack houses and meth dens.

Their ilk is common. You find the Lowest Common Denominator on the highways or far out in the fields. They are the ones who insist on merging at the very last minute, grinding traffic to a halt and demanding that everyone wait for them to take their rightful place at the front of the line. They are the dirt bike riders who insist on widening and deepening the trails by gunning their throttles around every corner, asserting their power over the masses and the natural world. When their opportunities are spent, they move on to the next locale.

It's a sure bet they won't clean up their mess. The Lowest Common Denominators are the piles of diapers you find abandoned at campgrounds and picnic areas; they are the wads of turd and toilet paper left floating in the public restrooms, the puddles of pee left unwiped on the seats; they are the tire tracks, beer bottles and fast-food containers that line our highways.

And although the Lowest Common Denominator shouts to be heard, you mostly will not see their faces or read their names on their demands. They are the ones who hide their faces beneath the pointed hoods silhouetted in front of burning crosses. They scrawl hateful comments in the cyber-realm as Anonymous. They are Legion.

Because they are common, the Lowest Common Denominator cannot be easily picked out in a crowd. They are the ones in business suits who profit at the expense of humanity, or the scarecrows in rags with their hands thrust out waiting for government relief. They are the entitled. By birthright they are owed what they seek, no matter whether their prize comes at the detriment of others. Their appetites are wide, but their vision is narrow. And their philosophies are spreading. Like noxious weeds, the Lowest Common Denominator continues to spread, choking out the light and nutrients for the flowers. They are the foundation of an emerging desert, of the spreading tide of mediocrity.

Here's to the Lowest Common Denominator! May they get what they deserve!

Good night and good luck....

Good day for a donut

It's a good day for a donut, and in Bomb Town there's just one place to get one: Daylight Delights in Central Park Square.

Oh sure, the grocery store may have donuts, and they may even have some of the most tempting psychedelic-colored icing imaginable slathered on them—making those little rings of fried dough look like beacons of deliciousness bobbing in a sea of misplaced hunger.

But don't be fooled. A store-bought donut is a bastard donut. You will feel bereft if you partake of their empty calories.

No, the only good donut is a donut procured from an honest-to-God donut maker, and there's only one here in Bomb Town: Daylight Delights in Central Park Square. At Daylight Delights in Central Park Square you'll find donuts prepared with the kind of pride and Old-World Craftsmanship that can only be found these days in the finest mills. Each Daylight Delight is prepared by trained donut artisans using only the best state-of-the-art equipment available.

Getting hungry? I am!

And that little twinge of morning hunger is the perfect thing to roust you from your desk for a delicious donut from Daylight Delights in Central Park Square. Maybe you can send your administrative assistant over to pick up a dozen so you can share with the entire office! Sharing is good. They taught us that in kindergarten. And as everyone knows, everything taught to us in kindergarten is good.

Speaking of good, I can't wait to sink my teeth into a warm, sweet, tasty donut from Daylight Delights in Central Park Square. Maybe it'll be an Old Fashioned! Mmmmm. Or how about a plain cake donut to help me stay in line with my fitness goals? Tasty and healthy.

Or how about pulling out the stops and pampering yourself with a delicious Bismark filled with your choice of creamy vanilla or cherry schmeer? Sound good? It is!

Yep, nothing starts a day off right like a delicious donut from Daylight Delights in Central Park Square! I think I'm gonna go right now, buy myself a sackful and let that smooth donutty wonderfulness surround me all day long.

How about you?

A better way

"The highways and cars
were sacrificed for agriculture
I thought that we'd start over
but I guess I was wrong"

—Talking Heads

Just in time for Bomb Town's inevitable downsizing, they've decided to expand the main road through town to handle twice as much traffic. The Diamond Drive Rehabilitation Project is a $50 million expenditure aimed at saving us 45 seconds on our 10-minute commute to work. That's a small price to pay for all the convenience we'll be getting! And once the streets are vacant because of the drop in population, the commute will be even easier! That's futuristic thinking.

Right now the project has closed off access to our road. At first I thought it was a pain in the ass to take the detour. Now I'm thrilled.

Now that the road is closed from Diamond Drive, we no longer have to contend with harried speeders roaring through our residential area at 45 miles an hour on their way to the Pajarito Complex. Our street is no longer a high-speed thoroughfare where you have to worry about taking your life into your hands when you take a stroll or put out the garbage.

Since the traffic's been gone, I no longer have to pick up the empty soda cans, fast-food bags and Red Bull containers that commuters toss out on their way back to the office because roadways apparently are more convenient trash receptacles than garbage cans. Hell, in a residential area someone is bound to pick up my mess, right? Why not throw it out? If it gets picked up, it's not actually littering, is it?

Our neighborhood is quieter and cleaner and I like it.

Here's a proposal for the Los Alamos County Council: Keep our road closed. If people complain that it's taking them a little longer to get to work, ask the NNSA to build a bypass road to accommodate them. There are plenty of unpopulated forested areas in North Community that could be used for the road, and it would keep their traffic off of our roads. Let's turn the tables. Make them build a bypass road! Hah-hah! I'm serious.

Then we could let our children and dogs play without worrying about them being turned into road kill, and I would never have to hammer another nail into the end of a stick to spear garbaged tossed into my yard or my neighbors' yards.

That's whatcha call a win-win.

A vote against the trees

The Los Alamos County Council voted early this morning to obliterate acres of trees for a redundant road.

It was about 12:30 a.m. when the Council voted 6-1 in favor of building a West Jemez Bypass Road. Councilor Ken Milder cast the lone dissenting vote. In addition to the wholesale slaughter of thousands of trees and a wetland, as well as the permanent alteration of the landscape, the vote likely means the beginning of the end of West Road and no sure guarantee that Los Alamos residents will have passage out of town west in the event of a national security emergency.

Fulfilling a final requirement of a lawsuit settlement between the County and the National Nuclear Security Administration, deputy NNSA Area Manager Roger Snyder explained to the Council that in instances where the NNSA might need to restrict access to Los Alamos National Laboratory, the NNSA might need to close the County's planned Bypass Road as well as West Jemez Road—the road with wave-and-pass guard posts that the Bypass Road is planned to circumvent.

What's more, Snyder said if the County decided to pursue the Bypass Road, NNSA would likely permanently close West Road beyond the entrance to Los Alamos Reservoir. Snyder said the unmaintained section of road could be opened in case of emergencies, but otherwise would be impassable.

I don't know about you, but I'm going to be souping up my next vehicle so it'll be able to compete on the Bypass Autobahn. I'm sure the average speed on that section of road will top 75 miles an hour once the construction is complete.

That ought to be fast enough to blur the environmental degradation that will result from construction of the new road. But hey, what a convenience!

RIP forest.